There is an inherent problem in identifying with magic, or as reconciling the self with that of magic in some form or another. I would hazard that it is the very “in some form” or other that is troubling, as far as identification goes.
As with anything that I have confronted it is something of my ability to speak with truth that I feel capable, and without so much as relying on rhetorical maneuvers, to speak with testament to my experience of life.
I have loved magic for as long as I can now remember. It is something that I have found entertaining, and joyful, as well as beautiful and delightful in my traipsing across things as they are. What is it? It is many things I suppose, or has that potential to become many things, and when writing I feel compelled to say that is often simultaneously the thing I am talking about as well as alluding to. So there is this element of transcendence. Of getting outside oneself which I feel to be very important. Realizing that there is a numinous peak or gnosis that one may touch upon and communicate with, explore, or simply let be that lets one appreciate the wonder and majesty of what takes place.
*A note on trouble * when particular boundaries are not set then illness may be an onset symptom of too much magic. – The things that are boundaries are my values, I am a human being, a wizard yes but not something to be trampled on lightly. No devil or imp will take my soul from me. I trust that restricting my incantations an private practices will remain private, I must hazard caution when reading the cards for other people, or allowing them to witness what I am reading out of the situation.
I need fun, to continue with the boundaries, I need to have time and space to give myself the love I deserve and find the peace. What this means is I need my personal bubble to be respected, there are certain things that I just cannot think about, and there are certain things I cannot control. I can only control myself, my thoughts (if that), and how I react to things.
There are certain relationships that I cannot nurture anymore, cigarettes being one of them. I nurture a strength of connection with Ehieh, and beyond that I need to grow. Feel the Jehovah, structure the Jehovah Elohim, and engage with El. Strength first, then firmness.
Cloth the form with forces (think intro to phen). Love is a method and relationship of exchange in this.
*Caution* Want to feel as though I am walking a two way street with those who like me, and love me.